The Four Loves: Eros

In this chapter Lewis discusses the romantic between the sexes called Eros.  He explains that the evolutionist view of Eros claims that there is sexual attraction, Venus, first and then the man falls in love with the woman.  He says that he doubts that this is at all common.  He says:
"Very often what comes first is simply a delighted pre-ocupation with the Beloved- a general, unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality.  A man in this state really hasn't leisure to think of sex.  He is too busy thinking of a person.  The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself.  He is full of desire, but the desire may not be sexually toned.  If you ask him what he wanted, the true reply would often be, 'To go on thinking about her.'"

I like this quote because it is a true description of what it feels like to be attracted to someone.  I am not talking about attraction in the sexual sense.  What Lewis describes is what a guy feels when he meets a girl that is simply amazing "in her totality."  I love the phrase "in her totality" because it describes what a man should really be attracted to.  A man who is attracted to a woman in this way is attracted to everything about her; her personality, smile, laugh, beauty, humor, intellect, faith, and style.  A man who is attracted like this is constantly being swept off his feet because everything he learns about her amazes him.

Lewis then goes on to talk about how he feels that sex is often taken too seriously.  He adds that it is important of course to take sex seriously theologically and morally.  However, the practice has become much to serious.  He says, "Banish play and laughter from the bed of love and you man let in a false goddess."  He later says this about the spirit of Venus:
"She herself is a mocking, mischievous spirit, far more elf than deity, and makes game of us.  When all external circumstances are finest for her service she will leave one or both of the lovers totally indisposed for it."
Lewis goes on to say that this might raise frustration and self-pity in some lovers.
"But sensible lovers laugh.  It is all part of the game; a game of catch-as-catch-can, and the escapes and tumbles and head-on collisions are to be treated as a romp."

I honestly didn't know what to make of this section when I first read it and it is still not totally clear to me.  I had never really thought of this as much of a problem before, but that may just be because I have no personal experience in this area.  I knew that Lewis thought that this was important because he devoted several pages to it.  As a I reread it again I saw some consistencies with it an the later section that talks about worshiping Eros.  What I can draw from this section is this: sex was made to be enjoyed and not worshiped.  If there is too much seriousness then there is no enjoyment and it is not serving its original purpose.

Lewis then talks about how Eros has some similar qualities to a deity.  It invites a quasi-religion when it is idolized because it can often sound like a god.  Lewis says this:
"We must not give unconditional obedience to the voice of Eros when he speaks most like a god.  Neither must we ignore or attempt to deny the god-like quality."
I think that this applies very well to "We Have No Right to Happiness."  We must use things much more than Eros to make decisions. We have no right to do whatever we feel like as long as Eros tells us to do it.  Lewis says, "This act, like any other, is justified (or not) by far more prosaic and definable criteria; by the keeping or breaking of promises, by justice or injustice, by charity or selfishness."